I wish I only lived at night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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