hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
