Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize