I wish life had little blips of pornography
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
