I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My brain says no but my pants say off.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
