ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
