Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
