when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
