even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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