Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
