i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
