Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
