your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
