Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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