I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
