At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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