guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
