put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
