girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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