No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
