your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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