WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
