can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
