fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
