Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
