and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
