bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it glows. i had to have it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
