thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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