There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
