I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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