that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
