The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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