he wants to bone in the snuggie
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
