This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
