i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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