Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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