my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
