Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
