ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This baby is an asshole
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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