ugly people sure do ruin things
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
