My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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