I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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