it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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