I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
