i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
