There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
