so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we're making bets on your personal life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
