why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So here I am, sexting at work.
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