shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
