Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
