I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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