How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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