I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
