I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
