FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
