the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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