I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am in a vortex of obligation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
