did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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