I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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