why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
