I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
