I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
