you have to choose: penises or morals?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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