Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize