Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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