I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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