I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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