Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
