I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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