my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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