i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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