UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
