i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
