I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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