My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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