you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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