Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
