i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
