Duck Duck Cougar?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
