He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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