: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
