Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
