So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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