Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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