Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
MIDGETS
????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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