Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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