Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
