I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
